we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
