Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
