I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
