marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
