you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
