Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
