I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
