why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
