If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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