I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
