She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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