closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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