you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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