I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
