I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
