did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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