mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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