i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
