Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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