i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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