he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
