Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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