I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
