I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
