oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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