at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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