watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
