can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
