It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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