If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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