I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
