Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
