There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
