maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
