yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
