my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am naked and annoyed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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