It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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