just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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