I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
