i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
