i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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