No stitches, just platelets and will power
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
