you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
