I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
