I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's not a walk of shame if you run
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
