he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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