you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
