put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
