now i know why i became what i already was.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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