remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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