If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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