why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
