I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
