woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
