i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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