Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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