did you get engaged???
Don't make out with my wife yet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
