guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
