I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
