I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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