we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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