Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
