He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
