Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
