My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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