i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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