Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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