11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
