Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
