i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
