My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
