it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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