I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
