Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
