too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
