Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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