She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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