I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
