what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
